My Story..

I have been telling ya'll that I would eventually share my story with you. I feel God telling me I need to hurry up and do it.. so here it goes..

Beginning when I was 5-6 years old I was in church with my family whenever the doors were open. I grew up in Sunday school, GA's, and Acteens. I heard the gospel many times just like it was any other story. When I was about 10 years old or so I told my parents I wanted to be baptized. To my knowledge, I did not know what that meant. I remember the preacher asking me if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I said yes and that was it. Growing up after that point was not much different than before. I went to church, I was nice to people, and prayed for what I wanted or felt I needed at the time. Once I got into high school I called myself Christian because I did believe in God and Jesus and I tried my best to live up to Christian standards. I did not drink (a lot), I tried to care about people, and I made myself look good from the outside. I starting dating a guy in 10th grade and things began to change. The idol of that relationship became my world and who I looked up to. It wasn't until we had been dating almost 4 years that I began to feel worn down.  I felt God pulling on my heart and telling me, "You are not happy.." I ignored it and continued to try to find happiness in drinking, new friends, and him. I soon again felt God telling me that I could not live like this anymore. I pushed my feelings to the side once again.
We broke up, and I felt my world around me slowly fall to pieces. I did not tell my family or friends for weeks after because of the embarrassment and pain. Soon after I called out to the only person that knew what I was going through. I asked God to comfort me and help me grow stronger. I told him I was tired of planning my life and failing at it. I want him to plan it and walk with me from now on. I literally felt God holding me in his arms. The next day I told my family what happened and fought through the pain of it all. Through the summer I had a lot to rely on God for when it came tough times. I grew closer to God though every tough moment and learned that He makes me perfectly strong in my weakness. When I went back to school I quickly got involved in CRU, a student ministry, and learned about the new heart that God gives me when I accept him. I had never heard of this before in the past and I loved learning about it. I can see now where my heart has been continuously changing this past year. God has showed me so many things that I was blind to such as my pride, being judgmental, selfishness, and guilt. I now have a true love that supply's me with all I need. Its a personal relationship with God that I needed and tried to find in other things that never lasted. I now know that my heart's true desires are to be God's desires. He's slowly making me into the person he wants me to be, and that's fine with me.