Well I'm not sure where to start..
I've been home for a couple days now and I still can't believe Summer Project is already over. Starting on Thursday morning it really sank in for me that we would be leaving soon. I told myself I would not cry or be a big baby about it because I missed my family and wanted to go home. That mindset didn't last long when I cried my eyes out after our last meeting Thursday morning. I think what I will miss the most is the spiritual atmosphere that we were surrounded by that does not feel able to exist back here in NC.
By this I guess I mean that it was easy for me to go up to a girl on project and have a conversation about something I'm struggling with spiritually, ask a guy a deep question about his feelings (being serious) and get a serious answer, or walk up to a staff member and ask them what does life look like fully devoted to God. These things you will not find at home, and that was what I was not ready for.
Who do you say I Am?
--The last week was focused on what we had learned all summer and putting it into perspective of what we will actually do with it?
One of our student project directors, Ethan, gave us a good analogy of this: Right now its like we are sitting on the doorstep of Summer Project looking out into the world we will go back to at home and wondering what it will look like. We have two options:
1) we can tell ourselves that we can't grow outside of project and this whole summer of growth will never happen again.
2) or we can take everything we have learned, talked about, seen God do and experienced back with us to our homes, schools, and communities.
We have to think of our past choices we have made. Did we stand up for God and for the one who has changed our life or did we say "screw it" and throw in the towel of our faith? I'm not saying we won't mess us. Jesus' disciples who walked through life with him still doubted him and who he was, but we are called to still follow him with our life choices.
When we think about trusting Him with every choice we make it seems scary, but WHY?!
Why is it hard to trust the one who created you, shaped your body, placed the hairs on your head, knows your thoughts and motives for everything, created your life plan, cares for the desires of your heart and most of all loves you??
We trust things in this world that are so unworthy: college degrees, boyfriends, people, strangers, workplaces, retirement funds, saving accounts to support us but we won't even give God (GOD) the spot he deserves in our life....why?
**Matthew 6:33**
So, I ask myself as I leave project--
Will I throw in the towel and live the life that the world is screaming at me to live?
or will I trust that he will provide for me?
"Were not doubting that God will do what is best for us, were wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." -C.S Lewis
So, I was already lacking sleep when I decided to stay up all night for my 6am flight Friday morning, I did not realized what Friday would hold. With a lot of struggles to get home on Friday my temper, patience, and trust for God was already being tested. I missed my flight, was on a seat wait list for 3 flights that I did not get on, had my gates changed at the last min., and ended up having to leave my flying partner (Amanda) and fly the rest of the way home alone after spending 7 hours in the Atlanta, GA airport. >> This was God completely telling me, "here is your life to come outside of project: choices to make, confusion, stress, people to deal with, and the option to trust me or to act upon it yourself."
I can honestly say that it was not Summer Project in Chicago that has changed the way I view my future, but it is God and the Gospel. I will continue blogging as much as I can while I begin my 4th year at ECU.
I want you to know that I'm trusting God that this summer was not just a spiritual high that you get on Sundays, or at a Christian camp, but it is something I will carry back with me to school, into life, and everyday to trust God to use for his kingdom.
Thank you for reading and supporting me always!
Love, Danielle Cassidy
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